


Over the Moon

by Craftybadger1234



Series: Steal the moon [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Dubious Consent Due To Identity Issues, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sad Ending, Trust Issues, Truth or Dare, Vaginal Sex, Veritaserum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 23:46:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11816736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Craftybadger1234/pseuds/Craftybadger1234
Summary: In part one of the series, Sirius swapped bodies with Remus during the full moon. This one begins with the scene when Remus (as Sirius) slept with Mary MacDonald, and then carries on with the aftermath. Mary decides to date Remus, and it doesn't go well. This has a sad ending, in set up for part three.You might need to read part one of the series first, but if you don't, you can catch on. It's not a complicated plot and the characters go over the details in dialogue.





	Over the Moon

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a short interlude between parts one and three but instead turned into the longest thing I've written yet. I just couldn't stop adding scenes, and then I cut off rather suddenly because it was crossing too much into the third part when Sirius and Remus get together. Sorry about that, but I'm still learning.

Mary flipped through an old quidditch magazine as she waited for Sirius to arrive. She preferred their meet ups better when they had set a time. This whole “sometime after dinner” thing was a boring waste of time.

Maybe she should quit wasting her time with Sirius all together. He was pretty good in bed, certainly better than the other boys she’d been with, but maybe it was time to work on a real relationship. Ugh, but boys were so clingy and so much effort. Things worked with Sirius because he didn’t expect much from her. Just a little fun on the side, and then she could focus on her school work.

Mentally she shrugged and returned to the magazine. She’d worry about it tomorrow and enjoy herself tonight. Tossing the boring magazine aside, she slipped off her blouse and skirt to hurry things along. She should have brought one of her own books to read. The boys’ dorm wasn’t terribly exciting.

A thrill of anticipation shot through her when she heard the door creak open. Sirius was gorgeous as ever, although he certainly looked angry about something. He stopped in utter shock, his arms full of potions supplies, when he saw her.

“Mary. What are you doing here?” His eyes darted around, trying to avoid her near nakedness so she arched her back to draw his attention to her breasts.

“Remus said you were a little off today. That maybe you needed someone to talk to tonight.” Mary left the bed and walked up to his frozen body. She ran her hands up his chest, around his neck. She whispered against his lips, “But we both know we don’t talk much.” 

He seemed reluctant to take control as he usually did so she kissed him, deep and slow. Already her limbs felt loose and relaxed. She enjoyed the feel of his body pressed to hers as he pulled her in close. His hands roamed down her back, over her arse, squeezing her hips.

She felt him hesitate. Was he going to send her away? That was new. She could feel the slight tremor in his hands but then they coasted quickly up her body and into her hair, tugging her head back so he could kiss her harder. Heat pooled between her legs and together they moved back towards his bed.

His body covered hers. He kissed along her neck, breathing her name like something precious. What had gotten into him tonight? Remus was right about Sirius being a little off.

“Mary. Can we - can we maybe pretend? That this is my first time?”

Must be something with his family. He always needed reassurance after one of their shit letters. Her mother and his mother were probably twins in a past life.

“Mmm… kinky. I like it.” She pushed him over onto his back and straddled his hips. “Don’t you worry, baby. I’ll take good care of you.”

It was unusual for him to just lie back and let her do what she wanted so she took the opportunity to explore. She slowly peeled his clothes off and ran her hands all over his chest and thighs. She almost laughed when he fumbled with her bra fastenings but they were pretending it was his first time, and that would only hurt his feelings. Instead she brushed his hands away and took care of her underclothes herself.

Who knew Sirius Black could play the nervous virgin so well? His hands trembled just so. His kisses were hesitant, and his tongue did this funny little tickle along the roof of her mouth. His hands squeezed irregularly, with none of his usual finesse. Nevertheless, she found it endearing.

When she finally lowered herself on his cock, she was wetter than she could ever remember being. It wasn’t often she got to take care of him and she found she rather liked it. His body rocked under hers, his rhythm erratic. He gripped her thighs tight, perhaps enough to leave bruises, so he could thrust up harder. She loved watching the tense and release of his muscles, and the way he shivered when she ran her nails down his chest. 

Suddenly he surged up to lick and kiss at her neck. His hands, his mouth, were everywhere. So delicious. Mary moaned over and over, moving faster on him, chasing her orgasm. So close, already. She didn’t protest when he rolled them and finally settled into a steady rhythm. Just right, so good. Her legs circled his hips, drawing him in tighter.

“Harder! Fuck me harder!”

Sirius groaned in her ear and fucked into her harder than ever before. Whatever had been in his letter from home was serving her purposes just fine. She felt the pressure building, arousal crawling up her spine and setting her nerves alight.

“Oh yes! Fuck! Yes!” she cried out, as her orgasm hit. She felt all her muscles contract with the force of it. Light shimmered at the edges of her eyes. Fuck, that was incredible! She was still trembling when his body stilled above hers, his deep groan in her ear, and she was filled with a sudden heat. 

She held him close, savoring the warmth of him, while his breathing slowed. He rolled to her side, pulling her along with him so they faced each other.

He stroked her hair, traced her lips. “That was beautiful.”

She held her smile, although her heart leapt into her throat. Maybe they _should_ have a real conversation for once. Clearly he was struggling with something. She wasn’t sure she was the right person to open up to, though. 

She decided to cut off whatever conversation he might start with a breezy, “Ever the charmer!”

Mary brushed his lips lightly with hers, then rolled over so her back was to his front. He made no move to send her on her way so she stayed in the circle of his arms, offering this little comfort, until she felt him relax in sleep. 

Slipping out of the bed carefully, she dressed and returned to her room to think things through. 

\--------

Mary watched Sirius over the next few days. He was eerily quiet, and seemed to be sticking close to Remus, more so than usual. Perhaps Sirius had opened up to Remus, which was a relief to her. She wasn’t exactly suited to being his confidante. 

By the weekend, Sirius seemed to mostly be back to his old self, full of energy and adorably annoying to everyone around him. So when he passed her a note asking to meet in a small classroom off the Charms corridor just before dinner, she assumed everything was back to normal.

Mary arrived full of good cheer, ready for a bit of fun. And seriously, _Siriusly_ she thought to herself with a ridiculous giggle, this would be the last time. She needed to shake him off and find someone else. 

In the classroom, Mary used her wand to clear a space and transfigure the desk into a small lumpy bed. She never was a fan of over-the-desk play. She stripped off her uniform and left only her outer robe on, in case someone unexpected came in. But no need to have worried, because Sirius was right on time.

His usual buzz of energy washed over her. He kissed her fast and hard, then pushed her to the bed while he unfastened his trousers. 

“Do you mind if we’re quick today? I’ve got to help James with a bit of set-up for dinner.” He knelt between her spread thighs.

“Set-up for what?” she sighed as he ran his hands up her legs, pushing her robes up as he went.

“It’s best you don’t know,” he replied with a wicked grin. He leaned forward to kiss her again, then opened her robe to kiss between her breasts. 

She moaned when he slid inside her with ease. She always loved that first moment when they were joined together, before he set to fucking her in earnest. Her hand snaked between their bodies to rub circles on her clit. If they didn’t have much time, best to hurry things along.

His hips rocked against hers in a steady, clipped rhythm. But it wasn’t enough. 

“Mmm… Harder, Black! Fuck me harder!”

“I _am_ fucking you harder,” he grumbled, picking up the pace.

“I know you can do better than that!” She wrapped her legs around his hips, digging her heels into his arse to spur him on. “Like last week. Fuck, you were amazing!”

Suddenly he stopped. 

She whined and rocked her hips against him, “Why’d you stop? I thought we were in a hurry.”

“What did you just say?” He pulled out of her as he sat back on his heels. 

She sat up in confusion as cold air replaced the heat of his body. Sirius was standing and tucking himself back into his clothes. She tugged her robes down and tried to focus. What just happened?

“What did you just say, Mary?” His fury was near palpable as he stood with his arms on his hips. “That last week was better? Better than usual, or just better than today?”

“I don’t - I don’t know. Are you all right?”

“No, I’m not all right!” Hysterical laughter bubbled out and he scrubbed at his hair. “This was a mistake. I have to go.”

“Go? Wait! What about - you know…” Mary shot to her feet, feeling even more confused. He’d never left her hanging like this. Even when he finished first, he always saw to her too.

He shook his head. “Mary. I - I…” He bit his lip and avoided looking at her. “I’ve fucked up.”

“ _Siriusly_ fucked up?”

Finally, he gave her a real smile. “Yes. Siriusly fucked up. I have to go now. I’m sorry. So sorry.”

“It’s okay. Whatever it is. Do you… want to talk about it?” She was hesitant since they didn’t really discuss their problems with one another.

“I can’t. At least not yet. But maybe soon? Or never. I don’t know.”

“Okay. Erm, well… I suppose you should let me know. When you’re ready to try again?” Would there be a next time? Maybe this was the universe helping her leave him.

“Yeah, sure. Maybe. I’ll just let you know.”

He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and slipped out the door. Still confused, and uncomfortably aroused, she dressed to go to dinner.

\--------

Twenty minutes later Mary entered the Great Hall with a flood of students heading to dinner. She found Lily and Dorcas already sitting in their regular spot at the Gryffindor table.

Mary whispered, “Glad you two are already here. I think I need dating advice. Or boy advice. Or something.”

Lily looked up from the book she was sharing with Dorcas and rolled her eyes. “Is this about Sirius? If so, just leave him. Quit cold turkey and find someone steady.”

Dorcas nodded her agreement without looking up from the book. Mary sighed and summoned it to get their attention. Marlene plopped down next to her.

“You’re just in time,” Mary said, above Lily’s protestations about their book. “I need advice.”

“About Sirius,” Lily grumbled.

Marlene also rolled her eyes at Mary. “Just leave him. He’s not worth the hassle.”

“You three bitches are the worst. Something weird happened and I need your opinion.”

“Fine,” Marlene sighed. “Tell us again about his huge cock and how hard you came last week.”

Lily snorted and Dorcas blushed. Mary couldn’t wait for one of them to start having sex so these conversations would stop being so one sided. She set a privacy spell, which was difficult in the Great Hall. But most people seemed focused on their food so it was really just their nearest neighbors they had to worry about.

“It’s nothing like that. Well maybe? I don’t know. He asked me to meet him today, before dinner. Things escalated quickly - which reminds me, we should eat fast and and go because he said something about helping Potter set up something for dinner. We might not want to be here long.”

Immediately Lily, Dorcas, and Marlene started shoving food down their throats. Dorcas hastily made some sandwiches, wrapped them in her handkerchief, and stuffed them in her bag. She looked ready to bolt at any moment.

“Anyway! Things escalated and I told him to, you know, go harder, like last week. And then he started freaking out and asking was it better then.”

“Which it was.”

“Which it was. But definitely seemed best not to say so. And then he said he’d fucked up and he had to leave.” Mary looked at her three best friends. “Well? What do you think?”

Lily shrugged. “I think he’s an idiot. Just dump him and move on.” 

“Sounds like he dumped you,” Marlene chimed in. “I mean, fucked up what, exactly? The entire relationship? Or just this evening? You need to talk to him. Really talk to him. With clothes and everything.”

“I _can_ keep my clothes on around him, I’ll have you know.”

“We know, we’ve seen you in class,” Dorcas laughed.

“And at other times too!” Mary sighed. “I was hoping you’d have better advice. I don’t really want to talk to him, because then…” She shook her head, “Maybe I should just let him go.”

“Yes! Finally!” Dorcas exclaimed happily. “You really need someone stable. Someone reliable. You deserve better.”

Mary’s reply was lost in the uproar as simultaneously every single water glass in the Great Hall erupted like a tiny fountain.

\--------

Mary did her best to avoid Sirius for the next week. This wasn’t terribly difficult as their entire House had shunned the four Marauders after the fountain prank lost them one hundred points.

But time dulls all memories, and the Marauders were well practiced in winning back the favor of their housemates. Sweets from the kitchen, butterbeer from Hogsmeade, and a rousing party on a Saturday night, and all was forgiven.

As the party wound down and the younger kids went on to bed, the sixth and seventh years stayed up late for illicit firewhiskey and Truth or Dare. A drop of veritaserum in the bottle and a single sip would yield a single truthful answer; no honor among thieves, after all.

Round after round of embarrassing stories, wild dares, and late-night bonding left everyone loose and giggly. Things were winding down a bit when Remus chose a hesitant Truth from Lily. He took a sip from the dregs of the bottle and bit his lip while he waited for his question.

“Who gave you the best snog of your life?”

Remus’s eyes widened as he clapped his hands over his mouth. His eyes darted to Sirius, desperately pleading. Remus shook his head hard.

Sirius, eyes also wide, blurted out, “You don’t have to answer! You can take a dare instead.”

“Oh no!” Lily insisted. “This looks good. I want to know who. Who was it, Remus?”

Garbled, choked sounds slipped between his fingers until finally the potion, even diluted as it was, pushed past his resistance. “Mary! It was Mary! Mary was my best!”

Eyes darted between Mary and Sirius, wondering if there would be hexes thrown. But Sirius seemed more tense than angry. And Mary was simply confused.

She shook her head at him, “I never kissed you, Remus! What are you on about?” 

When Remus darted another look at Sirius, Mary also looked to Sirius. His eyes were downcast but there was a tense set to his shoulders that told her he knew what Remus meant.

“What’s going on?” she asked again.

Frank threw the bottle cap at Remus, “I think someone’s been dreaming about you, Mary! Kiss her Remus!”

Remus shook his head, wild eyed, “No! I can’t! Sirius - “

“Sirius already kissed three other people tonight,” Frank shouted over him. “He won’t care. Kiss her! Kiss her now!” He started to chant, “Kiss her!” and soon the others had joined in.

Mary watched Sirius and knew instantly he didn’t want her kissing Remus. Well, fuck him, she could do whatever she wanted. After the way he treated her at their last meet up, she knew they weren’t really together. Not anymore. And Remus was boring enough, maybe the sort of steady relationship the girls were always demanding of her.

She crawled across the circle to Remus until she was practically in his lap. “Well? Come on, then. Let’s see what you’ve got,” she said, to a rousing cheer.

If the hand that caressed her cheek as it made its way to her hair didn’t tip her off, the funny little tickle across the roof of her mouth would have. Sirius never touched her face like that. And he certainly didn’t kiss her like that. Except that one time. 

As Remus plundered her mouth, reminding her so keenly of that night two weeks ago, she knew. She _knew_ the two of them had played her. Maybe not how or why but something weird happened that night and fuck if she was going to let them get away with it.

She reared back from Remus and pulled her wand. A few well aimed incarcerous spells had both boys struggling on the ground in three seconds, hands and feet tied tight. They tried to protest but she gagged their mouths too. The remaining students startled and scrambled back from the circle, most deciding to flee the common room for their dorms. Ignorance of the proceedings would keep them from getting punished later.

“What the fuck, Mary?” James exclaimed.

“Something’s going on. Something I don’t understand.” Another flick of her wand brought the two boys slamming together. Sirius grunted and glared at her. “Two weeks ago, Sirius and I - had a thing. But it wasn’t Sirius.”

“Two weeks ago?” James asked. Moving next to Mary, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared along with her at the two bound boys.

Sirius struggled against his bonds and tried shouting through the gag. But it was Remus that held her attention. He was trembling at Sirius’s side, trying to make himself as small as possible. It looked like he might cry. Clearly he would spill everything. Mary removed his gag and immediately he started to babble.

“I’m so sorry, Mary. I didn’t mean to. But you were - you were - and it was different and new and - “ he blinked away tears and shook his head, as though to clear it. “Please don’t - don’t - “ He tried hiding his head against his knees, but couldn't bend far enough.

“Remus.” Lily murmured as she crouched down to hug him, which only made him shake harder. 

Mary lowered her wand, eyes on Sirius. He’d stopped struggling and looked defeated. “Tell me what it was, Sirius.”

James removed his gag with a harsh tug. Sirius stretched his jaw and asked, “Please, can we do this somewhere less public?”

“No,” Mary hissed, “I think I’m less likely to kill you with witnesses.”

Sirius gnawed at his lip and kept his eyes on the floor. “For reasons I’m not going into now… two weeks ago, I brewed a body swap potion.” His eyes focused on James. “For about twenty hours, I was Remus and Remus was me.”

“No. You didn’t.” James shook his head, shock and fear on his face, “You didn't!”

Rage simmered under Mary’s skin. Sparks flew out of her wand, making Sirius flinch and James dart away from her. Dorcas lunged forward and yanked the wand from her hand. But she wasn’t quick enough to stop Mary from kicking out at Sirius. She got in a few kicks to his ribs before rearing back to punch him. She tugged his hair back and spit on his face.

“You fucking prick! You were Remus? Then? Telling me Sirius was acting weird and needed company? You just gave me over to him like I’m some kind of fucktoy you get to pass around? Well fuck you, Sirius!” She kicked him again before summoning her wand from Dorcas’s hands. “Tell me why I shouldn’t hex your bollocks off right now. Tell me!” she yelled with another kick to his legs.

Remus’s broken voice sounded from beside her. “It was for me.” Mary turned to look him, huddled on the floor with a confused Lily. “It was my chance. My one chance.” He tucked his head against his bent knees as best he could and mumbled, “One whole day of fun.”

“Just a spot of fun then, this game you two were playing?”

“No! Fuck! No.” Tears slid down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry Mary. I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough to walk away but I didn’t think I’d ever get to - to kiss anyone like that. Or - or any of it really. And it was all so sudden and it seemed like it was okay because you were with Sirius and I was - I was Sirius. Only - only the veritaserum says otherwise.” 

Mary felt sick, watching him cry. A rush of pity had her releasing the incarcerous on Remus. She almost felt sorry for him, broken as he sounded. He scrubbed at his hair and hid his face in his hands. He rocked himself a few times then stood, uncertain of whether he should approach her. She raised her wand so he would stay where he was.

“I know it sounds awful, but we didn’t think you’d ever find out. Sirius has his lapses in judgement but - but I should have known better. Should have done better.” He licked at his lips and tugged at his shirt before wrapping his arms around himself. “I don’t know if… I mean, maybe this’ll only make it worse but - even with as awful as this is now, as terrible as I feel and as angry as you are…” His shining eyes met hers, honest and open. “I would still do it again.” 

A hard rush of anger surged through her, making more sparks fly from the tip of her wand. Nonetheless, he stepped closer, moving slowly. His hands reached out for her face, his fingertips just grazing her cheeks lightly, then mirroring the movement on his own scarred cheeks.

“Because who would want me, like this?” he whispered. He gave her a sad smile as she stepped away from him. “I have nothing to offer as myself. But when I was him...” He reached for her again when she scowled, but she evaded him. With a final sigh, he said, “I’m sorry for hurting you, but it’s all I’ll have.”

Shrinking into himself, Remus walked dejectedly up the stairs. At a nudge from James, Peter followed him. Lily nodded to Dorcas and Marlene and also followed Remus up the stairs.

Mary was taken aback by Remus’s words, not sure how to respond. Her heart broke for him, and his awful image of himself. But her head raged that she wasn’t his to play with. She wasn’t a toy Sirius could hand out to anyone at his whim.

Sirius. This was all his fault.

“You stupid fuck!” she roared at Sirius. 

“Mary! Don’t!” Dorcas shrieked, but Mary had already shot a spell at Sirius. The cords binding him stretched and looped around his body so he was squeezed tight. His breath came in short gasps and his eyes widened in fear. He began to struggle against his bonds again, pitiful moans escaping his tightly clenched jaw.

“Expelliarmus!” James yelled, making her wand sail out of her hands. She roared in frustration and lunged at James to get at her wand but Dorcas and Marlene held her back.

“Let me go! He deserves it! Let me go!”

“Please, Mary,” Dorcas cried. “You have to stop.”

“We’ll tell McGonagall. She’ll punish him.”

Mary struggled against the two of them. “With detention? House points? He deserves worse!”

“Expulsion? Is that what you want?” James asked her. “That’s what he’ll get.”

“I want him to pay!” Mary yanked her arm out of Marlene’s hands, pinched Dorcas so she was forced to let go, and tackled James to retrieve her wand. Before anyone could think to shield Sirius, she yelled, “Lignificus Totalus!” 

Like it’s petrificus counterpart, the spell stiffened Sirius’s body. But instead of stone, he was turned to wood. His skin became striped with faint grain lines, including the occasional swirl of a knot.

“Mary, you - you have to take that off him,” Dorcas whispered. Mary didn’t notice when Dorcas grabbed Marlene’s hand. Marlene nodded and snuck up the stairs to the boys’ dorm.

“No, I rather like him like this. Just like Pinocchio.” Mary knelt by Sirius and flicked her wand to remove his bindings. “I know you can hear me, Sirius. Do you remember Pinocchio from Muggle Studies? He was a silly wooden doll that wanted to be a real boy. Wouldn’t you like to be a real boy right now?”

“Mary - “ Dorcas choked out. 

“Shut it, Dorcas!” Mary caressed Sirius’s wooden cheek. “Who’s the pretty little doll now, Sirius?” Another flick of her wand and Sirius was naked, but for his pants. She wanted to humiliate him, not terrorize any younger kids that came along.

“You’re not going to leave him like this, are you?” James asked nervously. He twisted his wand in his hand, uncertain how to proceed. Mary was too close to Sirius to risk intervening.

“He’s going to stay here,” Mary continued, looking down at Sirius. “All night, just like this.”

“Mary, please, you know he can’t stay like that for so long…” Dorcas pleaded again.

Mary shook her head. “He’ll make it. Won’t you Sirius? We’re going to let everyone take a good look at you in the morning. Let everyone know what a selfish, stupid prick you are.” A deep green light shot out of her wand and the words _selfish prick_ appeared scorched into the wood of his forehead.

“Does it burn, Sirius? Don’t you wish you could scream?” Another jet of light and _touch me_ appeared on his chest. “They’re all going to come along and run their hands all over you. You’ll remember their touch long after it’s gone, while you were so helpless.” She caressed his chest, stopping with a swirl around his belly button.

Marlene came down the stairs then, with Lily in tow. Lily’s eyes were reddened and she was still wiping away tears. She inhaled sharply when she saw Sirius on the floor. Mary narrowed her eyes, worried Lily would join the fight against her.

To everyone’s surprise, Lily smiled, “I see Sirius is getting his just desserts.”

“Lily! You can’t mean that!” Dorcas exclaimed.  
“Of course I can.” She peered at the words burned into his forehead. “He was indeed a selfish prick. I think Mary’s in the right here. Did I hear you say you’re going to leave him here all night?” At Mary’s nod, still slightly shocked that someone was supporting her, Lily sat at her side. 

James, Marlene, and Dorcas stared at Lily as though they’d never seen her before.

Marlene spoke first, “Lily, you can’t mean it. You know - “

“I know lots of things. And I know that Mary is hurt. He’ll survive a few hours like this, and he’ll survive the embarrassment in the morning. If it makes her feel better, then so be it.”

Dorcas began to cry quietly. Marlene tried to hug her but she slipped away, running off to their dorm. 

“I guess I should go then. See to Dorcas,” Marlene said with a shaky voice. “Mary - “

“I’ll take care of Mary. We’ll stay here tonight, make sure no permanent damage comes to Sirius. And that no one sets him free early,” she said with a significant look at James.

“I don’t think - “ James began.

“If you think I care about what you think, you have another think coming, Potter!” Lily said sternly. “Go on up to Remus. He needs you more than Sirius does.”

“Sirius is my brother, you can’t think I’d just leave him like this.”

“He’ll be fine. We’ll be sure of it.”

“But - “

“Just fucking go already, Potter! Get out of here!” For good measure, she shot a mild stinging hex at him. His mouth dropped in shock and his hand tightened on his wand, but there was no way he was going to fight back. Not against the supposed love of his life. Pride damaged at Lily’s hands once again, he trudged up the stairs.

Lily wrapped her arm around Mary. Now that they were alone, Mary finally broke down. Lily stroked her hair while she sobbed on Lily’s shoulder, gripping her t-shirt tight.

“Oh love, it’s okay,” Lily crooned at her. “Go ahead and cry. I’ll keep you safe now.” Lily rubbed circles on Mary’s back and held her until the tears subsided. She maneuvered them slightly so their backs were to Sirius, assuming it would be easier to talk with Mary if she didn’t have to look at him.

“Do you feel better now? At least all cried out?” Lily asked gently.

“I suppose so. For now. I don’t know how to wrap my brain around it all.”

“It’s all so strange, right? All these years in the magical world and I’m still surprised. I didn’t know such a thing like swapping bodies was even possible. It’s weird to think your lover could be anyone, at any time.”

Mary gave a strangled laugh. “Thing is, I don’t know Sirius very well… If Remus hadn’t kissed me tonight, I would never have questioned it. I thought he was being weird because something happened with his family or whatever. How could I have guessed he was someone else?”

“That explains the freaking out the last week.”

“Right.” Mary laughed with real joy this time. “Oh fuck, can you imagine how angry he was when I told him Remus was better at using his own body than he was?” They both erupted into louder giggles. “I hope that kept the stupid little fuck awake for days.”

As their laughter died down, Lily leaned into Mary. “I’m so sorry, love. I’m sorry you felt like his plaything.”

Mary’s breath hitched and tears rolled down her cheeks. “This was supposed to be a safe place, you know?” She shook her head and wiped at her tears. “I didn’t treat him any better, I suppose. That’s the thing that’s going to keep _me_ up nights - “ Her breath hitched on another sob as the tears fell in earnest, “ - if I’d known it was Remus in there. If I’d known, would I have cared? I was no better, using Sirius as a pick-me-up when my mother - “ Mary covered her face with her hands as she broke down again.

Lily hugged her tight and gently rocked her. She whispered small nothings to calm Mary as best she could. “Whether you used him or not, you deserved to know the truth and make your own decision.”

Mary scrubbed at her face and turned to face Sirius. “I have to let him out, don’t I?”

“I’ll leave that up to you. But you know… “ Lily trailed off awkwardly.

“I know what it’s like.” Mary caressed Sirius’s face once again. “I’m sorry, Sirius. That you and I are too fucked up to care more for each other.”

Mary’s wand hovered above him while she debated the merits of letting him go now. Part of her wanted him humiliated, touched by every passing student whether he wanted it or not. But she knew what that was like too and shuddered at punishing anyone that way. Ashamed and still angry, Mary ended the spell.

Sirius curled up on his side, hands wrapped tight over his burns, gasping, coughing, and groaning. Mary summoned his clothes and dumped them near his head. She leaned back into Lily when she came up behind her.

“Will you remove the words too?” Lily asked.

The blackened words still remained, looking like an uneven tattoo.

“I think I’ll leave them. They’ll fade in a day or two. And the burn will be a reminder of what an idiot he is. I can’t completely let him off.”

“McGonagall might see, might call you in,” warned Lily.

“I’ll take my chances. I won’t say anything about it if he doesn’t. And you won’t say anything, will you, baby doll?” Mary said to Sirius.

He meekly shook his head. He paused, as though to say something, but a warning look from Lily kept his lips sealed.

Lily put her arm around Mary, “Let’s go on to bed and we’ll discuss it further in the morning.”

Mary turned back to Sirius, “Be sure Remus knows I’ll be okay. And - and I don’t blame him.”

Sirius nodded as he gathered his clothes and went unsteadily up the stairs.

\--------

Mary skipped breakfast the next morning, not ready to face everyone. Dorcas brought her toast and an apple from the Great Hall, and said Remus and Sirius had also missed breakfast. Word from James was that they both thought it best to give Mary her space, not to mention the words still burned across Sirius’s forehead that would get them all in trouble.

After moping about for a few hours with Dorcas, she felt ready to face the onslaught at lunchtime. There were some murmurs when she sat down but overall, gossip was kept to a minimum. The consequences for Sirius’s body swap stunt would be severe so those in-the-know had kept mostly silent about it. What was left was conjecture and rumor no one could verify.

Mary was almost relieved to see that Remus had also come to lunch. He sat with James and Peter, picking at his food absentmindedly. Every now and again he caught her staring and would blush down at his food, but he made no move to otherwise acknowledge her.

“Do you think I should go talk to Remus?” Mary whispered to Dorcas.

“Are you going to yell at him, or comfort him?” 

“Comfort him, I think. I’m a little creeped out that he would sleep with me while he was really someone else. But then I think about how vulnerable he was that night and last night when he said it was his only chance…”

Dorcas darted a glance at Remus as he left with James. “With most boys, I’d say they were being overly dramatic. But Remus is so quiet and shy, I think he really means it. Do you really think that was his first kiss?”

“Felt like it. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen him with anyone other than his dorm mates. And occasionally Lily since they became prefects together.” Mary pushed the rest of her food around her plate. 

“What are you thinking?” Dorcas asked.

“I’m thinking I might talk with him a little more. Make sure he’s okay. I don’t think I can stomach talking to Sirius right now, but I need to talk with someone about it all. He and I were both victims.”

Dorcas bumped shoulders with Mary. “You can always talk to me.”

“I know, dearest. You are the very best. But I think not this time.”

“Because I know too much?” Dorcas said with a sad smile.

“I’m still so mad at Sirius,” Mary said, shaking her head, “but I hate myself for turning him into a doll.”

“It wasn't the same and you know it. That was a first year spell, not the - the _shit_ your mother pulls.”

“Dorcas! Did you just say a naughty word? We’ll have to wash out your mouth with soap!”

“Go then!” Dorcas said with a shove. “Go talk to Remus and tell him whatever you need to to feel better.”

“Come with me.”

“Of course, love.” Dorcas linked their arms as they rose from the table.

\--------

Rather than search the entire castle, the girls headed back to the Gryffindor common room. Neither of them knew Remus well enough to guess where he might go after he ate. A glance around the room told them he wasn’t there so they tried his dorm.

James opened the door, revealing all four Marauders. Awkwardness settled like a heavy blanket. Dorcas squeezed Mary’s hand, giving her new courage.

Mary cleared her throat. “I was wondering if maybe I could talk to Remus.”

With a tiny squeak, Peter darted past her, clearly unable to deal with the stress of the situation. The remaining three boys looked at each other in a silent conversation she couldn't interpret.

“Is Dorcas staying?” James asked.

“Yes.” Mary would need her support.

“Then I’ll stay.” James nodded to Sirius, who began to slip past the girls with his head down.

“Wait!” Dorcas exclaimed. “James, you should go. Sirius, why don’t you stay with us?”

James and Sirius had another silent conversation, while Mary reeled. She wasn’t prepared to talk to him yet! Dorcas gave Mary a soft smile, and Mary knew, whatever Dorcas was thinking, it was for Mary’s benefit. She gave Dorcas another reassuring squeeze.

“Give me your wands,” demanded James. “All of you. Just in case tempers flare again.”

Dorcas nodded. “Good idea. Here you are. You’ll wait outside for us?”

“Yes, I won’t go far with everyone’s wands. Maybe down the stairs a bit. If I see Marlene or Lily, I’ll call them up, yeah?”

Mary nodded as she handed over her wand as well. James summoned the last two wands and slipped out the door.

Remus and Sirius sat together on one of the beds, both stiff and nervous. Dorcas and Mary sat together on the facing bed.

“Well this is terribly awkward, isn’t it?” Dorcas said, as she took Mary’s hand once more. “But I think we’re all a little calmer, and had time to think about what we want to say.” A long pause dragged on until she continued. “Perhaps Mary would like to speak first?”

“Right, yeah. I wasn’t really ready to speak to Sirius yet. But perhaps I’ll start there anyway.” Her palm was sweating in Dorcas’s grip but she couldn’t bear to let it go just yet. She stared at Sirius until his eyes met hers. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. It wouldn’t do to start bawling again. 

“I guess I wanted to say I’m sorry. For last night. I know that spell was a rather minor one, well except for the - “ she pointed awkwardly at his chest, “but I shouldn’t have done it. My mother - “ she cut off abruptly, not sure if she should share something personal with these two boys. But Dorcas gave her an encouraging nod so she continued, “sometimes my mother punishes my brother and me by turning us into little dolls. She leaves it on for hours and - ” she cut off sharply, unwilling to share more.

Remus gave a harsh gasp and Sirius’s eyes widened. She wondered briefly what sort of spells he was punished with. Afterall, their mothers were rather similar in tastes.

“It’s a similar spell. You can see and hear, but you can’t move. Children should be seen and not heard, right? Anyway, the spell I used wasn’t cruel but the intent was. I shouldn’t have done it and I’m sorry.”

Sirius spoke for the first time, “I deserved it. I’m sorry too. I planned that day carefully, for Remus. I didn’t think about you at all, and for that I deserve whatever you dish out.”

Mary bit at her lip, “It hurt, being passed over like that. Like my feelings didn’t matter. But I don’t treat you any better. I mean, if Remus hadn’t kissed me last night, I would never have known or cared. It just reminded me too much of the things I try to forget.”

Sirius looked down at his feet again. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” she said, anger rising again. “Those are just words. Useless words.”

“I don’t know what else I can say. Or do. To let you know I mean it. I didn’t think it through. I was too focused on - on Remus. And making sure his day was a happy one.”

“Why?”

Sirius looked at Remus and shook his head. “It’s not for us to share. It’s between me and him.”

“Don’t I deserve to know?” Mary protested. “It would help me understand.”

When Sirius opened his mouth to argue, Remus rested his hand on Sirius’s arm and said, “It’s complicated. And private. You obviously have it difficult at home. And you know that Sirius does too. So you can understand when I say I have my own problems…”

Mary’s anger spiked again. “And that’s supposed to be enough? You have a hard time at home, so Sirius let you fuck me, because that’s what I’m for?”

“No! It wasn’t - wasn’t just you. It was all of it. The whole day. I - I ran free. I swam in the lake, I climbed trees. I took in the sun. I was free of - of the pain I live with all the time.” Remus wiped at his eyes. “I know it sounds stupid or childish but it was the best day I’ve ever had.”

“You’re in pain? All the time?” Dorcas asked. “From what?”

Remus bit at his lip. “I’m sick. I - I have a condition. But I don’t like to talk about it. It’s just been really difficult and Sirius, in his misguided way, was trying to help me.”

“So while you were off singing and dancing with fairies or whatnot, he was feeling your pain?”

“Yes. I didn’t see him much that day but I know he was tired, moping. He grumbled a lot and slept. Do you remember it?”

Mary did remember. Remus asking her to talk with Sirius, his color a little off. He was bundled up in his chair, and uncharacteristically rude to Lily. Dismissive of them all, really.

“Is it really so bad for you, then?” Dorcas asked. “All the time? No potions you can take or anything? Is that why you're in the infirmary so much?”

“Yeah. It just is. No potions, no cure. It’s been nearly all my life so I’m somewhat used to it by now.”

Mary said, hesitantly, “Chronic pain is a shitty thing to have to get used to.” She darted a glance at Sirius. The words on his body were likely still burning even now. But he deserved it. He did. Her stomach twisted sharply. 

“It’s that or dying so…”

Mary shook herself, considering the whole picture. “So Sirius swapped bodies with you - “

“Against his will,” interrupted Sirius.

“What.”

“He didn’t know. I spiked a breakfast muffin with the potion.”

“You are unbelievable.” Mary rolled her eyes. “So you drugged your best friend, set him free on the world, suffered in his place, and decided to set him up with your not-girlfriend.”

“Well I knew he wouldn’t pursue a girl on his own, and I thought it was still my body so you wouldn’t care.”

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth? That he was you?”

“I couldn’t risk word getting out. That potion is highly restricted. And if McGonagall or Dumbledore found out I’d switched with Remus - I would have been expelled for sure. And - “ he stopped abruptly.

“And what?” Dorcas asked.

Sirius looked sheepishly at Remus, “And I didn’t really think he’d go through with it. I thought maybe you’d snog a bit and then he’d chicken out.”

Remus blushed a vibrant red and spluttered, “She was - was all but naked! And I was unprepared for - for all of it!”

Mary couldn’t help but laugh at the poor boy. “Did you like what you saw, Remus?” She felt a rush of power when he shivered lightly and nodded.

Remus’s voice was choked when he said, “You know I did.”

“Did Sirius tell you that you were better than he was?”

Remus’s jaw dropped and it was Sirius’s turn to blush. Oddly, he shifted a little closer to Remus.

“Beginner’s luck, I guess.” Remus murmured. A tiny nervous giggle escaped him. Sirius kicked at Remus. Nervous giggles became choked laughter. It was contagious and before long, all four of them were laughing.

This was utterly fucking ridiculous. Who else but Sirius would get into a situation like this?

“So what happens now?” asked Dorcas.

Mary sighed heavily, “I’m past the crazy mind-fuck and I just want to bury it back where the other weird shit goes. I wanted Sirius to suffer and it sounds like he did, while he was Remus. I’m not taking the words off,” she added with a glare at Sirius, daring him to challenge her.

“I didn’t expect you to,” Sirius replied.

“What about you Remus? You okay?” Dorcas asked.

“I don’t think anything but obliviation could make me forget all this. But yeah, we’re okay.”

“Good. Then let’s go find the others so they don’t worry anymore” Dorcas said as she crossed the room.

They opened the door to find James, Peter, Lily, and Marlene sitting on the steps with a pile of wands and a basket of sweets.

\--------

Breakfast Monday morning was a tense affair. The words on Sirius’s forehead had faded and he’d combed his fringe down so you could only see the words if you were really looking. No one said anything throughout their classes, although Sirius rubbed at his forehead and chest frequently, trying to assuage the tingly burning feeling as they faded completely. Luckily Sirius kept his head down, both figuratively and literally so McGonagall did not notice.

Mary kept her eye on Remus over the next few days. Her thoughts swirled around his illness, and his low self-confidence. Dorcas had encouraged her to pursue a friendship with him, to draw him out of his shell. But Mary wasn’t sure she could manage it. Remus would ask questions she didn’t want to answer. She couldn’t stand to make herself more vulnerable than she already had.

But Dorcas was persistent, believing Remus to be the type of bloke that would give Mary a steady, reliable relationship. They were, after all, bound together in a strange way already after the body swap incident.

And so on Sunday evening, Mary sought out Remus. He was revising with Sirius in the common room for an upcoming Charms exam.

“Hullo boys, up to no good?”

Remus answered, “James and Peter are up to no good. We are providing each other with alibis in a public location.”

“Clever,” she said as she sat down. “I was wondering, Remus, if maybe you wanted to take a walk with me.”

Wide-eyed, Remus looked at Sirius then back at her. “Er, yeah. Sure? Sirius, you’ll be all right?”

Sirius gave him a hearty slap on the back. “I’ll be fine. You two enjoy yourselves. Avoid the fourth floor entirely, if you can.”

Mary rolled her eyes as she led Remus out of the common room, towards the Astronomy tower.

“Still doing okay? After everything?”

“Yeah, it’s been all right. James has been prickly, but he’s frequently prickly when things don’t go his way.”

Mary laughed. “Lily must have him in a right twist, then, yeah?”

“She’ll cave one day and then we’ll all be happier for it.”

“I don’t know that he can make her happy.”

He gave her a wry smile. “We’ll never know if she doesn’t let him try, will we? He’s a good bloke, once you get to know him.”

Mary shrugged as they reached the top of the tower. The wind blew in gentle gusts, making her long hair fly loose. She tied a knot in it and set up a barrier charm to serve as a windbreak. She sat with her back to one wall and indicated for Remus to sit next to her. He gingerly lowered himself to the floor, legs splayed in front of him.

“Chillier out here than I thought it would be.”

“It’s warm enough during the day but the nights still have that Spring chill,” Remus agreed.

Mary pulled her handkerchief from her pocket and enlarged it into a light covering. With a soft smile she used it to cover herself and Remus.

Remus blushed lightly and said, “Thank you.”

Mary smiled back and they sat for a while in silence, watching the sunset.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said.” At his puzzled look she continued, “About how you couldn’t win a girl over as yourself.”

“Oh, that…” He plucked at the end of his sleeve, blushing lightly.

“You’re a good bloke, Remus. No reason you couldn’t get a girl if you wanted. You just need a bit of confidence, yeah?”

“It’s not so simple.”

“Because you’re ill? You shouldn’t let that stand in your way.”

He gave a sharp bark of laughter. “It’s not so simple,” he said again.

Mary took his hand and met his eyes. Softly she said, “I want to kiss you.”

“Because you feel sorry for me?” he responded just as softly.

“Yes.”

“I’ll take it.”

His lips met hers, gently at first, but then with more urgency. His hand tangled in her hair as he drew her closer. She ran her hands down his back, then tugged his shirt up a bit to feel the skin beneath. As she grazed the skin above his waistband, his hands brushed hers away. 

She turned to straddle his lap, caressing his cheeks and hair as they continued to kiss. His hands came around her back and hugged her body close to his.

“Mmm… your mouth… you are so fucking delicious.”

Remus blushed and pulled away. “Er, thank you?”

“I don’t know that I’ve gotten thanks while snogging before.”

“Well, I _am_ rather new to this.”

“You’re a fast learner. This will go well, I can tell.”

Sitting snuggled up close to his side, Mary rested her head on Remus’s shoulder as the final rays of the sun disappeared from the sky.

\--------

The next few days flew by in a blur for Mary. She set up time in her schedule each day to spend with Remus. It worked in her favor that he was just as invested in his studies as she was. They sat together at the library most free periods, and spent an hour each night cuddling and snogging in hidden spots around the castle.

There were moments when their sharp edges scraped against one another, when Remus asked politely about her family, or any time Mary tried to shift or remove any of his clothing. But for the most part, they were getting on as friends. 

They had agreed to go to Hogsmeade together to have a proper date, and Mary was hoping they could move beyond snogging and rubbing each other through their clothes, even if he wasn’t ready for sex just yet.

Just before lunch on Saturday, Mary skipped down to the entrance hall with Dorcas.

“Remus! Ready, then?”

“I am, indeed. Dorcas, are you joining us?”

“Oh no! I’m just seeing Mary off. I’m meeting Marlene in a bit.”

“Have fun, dearest!” Mary kissed Dorcas’s cheek and linked her arm with Remus, pulling him down the steps.

“Woah! Slow down! I can’t run so fast.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Mary blushed. “Is it really so bad then?”

“Sometimes it’s worse than others. I’m rather stiff today, so I’m moving slower than usual.”

“Casual stroll then. No problem!” They walked at a sedate pace down the road, discussing their Transfiguration homework. 

They had lunch at the Three Broomsticks, taking two butterbeers to go. Mary bought a few chocolate bars at Honeydukes, then pulled Remus down a side street that ended near the forest.

“Come along, we can find a bit of privacy out here. We’ll have dessert and relax somewhere that’s not school.”

“I’m not too fond of the woods. Want to go to the Shrieking Shack?” he asked. “It’s always empty.”

“Not worth the time. It’s locked up tight.”

“Well, only if you don’t know how to get in.”

“Remus Lupin, you naughty boy! Are you saying you know how to break in?”

He gave her a sheepish grin. “You can’t hang with James and Sirius without knowing how to break a few locks.”

At the Shack, he directed her to wait and keep watch while he went around to the back side. A few minutes later, he was opening the front door for her.

“Remus! I can’t believe you!” Mary followed him in, looking around at the broken furniture, and torn rugs and curtains. “This place is a disaster! I wonder what happened here.”

“Probably a wild animal,” Remus said with a disinterested shrug. “Let’s go upstairs, there’s a bedroom up there.” He immediately blushed, “Not that - I think we need a bed. Or anything. Just the furniture. There’s more furniture up there.”

“Calm down, Remus. It’s fine. Let’s go and enjoy our chocolates.”

The room upstairs did indeed have a bed, already made up and waiting, which she found suspicious yet charming. Had he planned this? It also had several chairs that were all in better shape than the furniture downstairs. Remus cast a few transfiguration charms to make them more comfortable. Mary opened the butterbeers and handed one to Remus, along with half a chocolate bar.

“So do you boys come here a lot?”

“You could say that,” he said reluctantly. “It’s not my favorite place.”

“Then why bring me here?”

“To impress you, of course,” he said with a wink.

She smiled and pulled him to his feet, setting their butterbeers on the floor. “Come kiss me again.”

“Here?”

“Yes, here,” she said, dragging him to the bed. “The bed’s not so bad.” She fell back on it, pulling him so he sprawled next to her.

His finger traced her temple, pushing her fringe from her eyes. “Mary, what are you doing with me?”

“I’m helping you. Build your confidence, give you some experience that’s yours and not you-as-Sirius.”

“I don't need a pity fuck.”

“I just want you to feel good. About yourself. Your… despair, before. It was heart wrenching.” She brushed his hair out of his face. “Please, kiss me again.”

His tongue slid along hers, making her moan. Her knee came up, resting her leg along his hip. His hands squeezed at her arse and hips, then up under her shirt and across her belly. He stopped just shy of her breasts, making her breath hitch in anticipation.

Her hands ran along his back, down to his waist. She tried yet again to reach the skin beneath his shirt but he pushed her hands away.

“Remus, are you ever going to let me touch you?” Mary giggled a bit, to lighten the sudden heaviness of the mood.

“Er… no?”

“Remus!” She giggled harder, “You are ridiculous! How far do you think we’re going to get if I don’t touch you at all?”

He shrugged sheepishly. “Just… not yet.”

“Okay,” she sighed with a smile. “But soon?”

“Soon.” He gave her a light peck on the lips and settled so his head rested on her chest, his body draped across hers. “I love the feel of you. I always feel so cold and you are so warm.”

She ran her fingers through his hair. “Why don’t you use warming charms? Or hot water bottles or something?”

“They wear off, cool too quickly. It’s never enough. A warm body stays warm. I think it’s - “ his words cut off, and she felt his body tense against hers.

“It’s what?”

He spoke softly, “I think it’s so I seek out someone else. A partner. A mate. To offer comfort, ease the pain.” He slid up a little on the bed so their faces were close. He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. “I’ve never had anyone like you. To keep me warm all the time.”

She kissed him again, deep and slow. While her hands roamed his body, she spread her legs so he could settle between them. His hands worked at the buttons of her blouse while he trailed kisses down her neck. His fingertips traced the skin above her bra.

“You are so beautiful.”

“Now you.” His eyes met hers and he hesitantly bit at his lip. She smiled encouragingly, “Now you, Remus. Let me see you. Please?”

Slowly he sat up and pulled his jumper over his head. His hands paused on the top button. “It’s not - I’m not pretty, like Sirius. I have a lot of scars.”

“It’s okay, Remus. Trust me?”

His hands may have trembled a bit as he unbuttoned his shirt. He didn’t take it off but he pulled it open so she could see his chest and belly. She couldn’t help the gasp that escaped. His entire torso was covered in scars. Her fingers gingerly traced the lines, some so faint they were barely there, others were thick, vivid lines. 

“Remus. You poor thing. How did this happen?” Growing bolder, she stroked his chest with her whole hand. The muscles twitched as her hand passed over them, his pale skin sensitive to every touch.

“What are these?”

“Sometimes, I get… er… feverish? I scratch at myself.”

Some memory tickled at the back of her brain but she ignored it. “And this?” she asked, pointing at an odd puncture wound.

“Would you believe I was stabbed by a deer?”

“What? That’s crazy! Are you having me on?” She looked at him incredulously.

“No, I’m telling the truth! A giant stag attacked me because I was wandering the wrong way in the woods.” He said with a smile and a shrug.

She pushed his shirt off his shoulder, revealing a half-moon scar. Like a bite mark. “Another animal attack? Is this why you don’t like the woods very much?”

He huffed a nervous laugh. “Something like that,” he said very softly. 

“It’s a deep scar. Why wasn’t it healed magically?” There was the tickle of a memory again. From her textbook. About magical wounds and curse scars. And Remus’s frequent trips to the infirmary. The stiffness in his joints, the chronic pain. But, no, it couldn’t be.

“Magic can only heal so much. And my scars aren’t normal scars.”

The laughter was gone from his tone, making Mary peer carefully at his face. Pieces were falling into place but her mind rebelled against the obvious. It just couldn’t be. 

“Remus. Are you… “ she shook her head. She couldn’t even ask it. If she was wrong, he would hate her. And if she was right… her stomach clenched and her heart raced furiously.

His words were barely a whisper, “Don’t. Please don’t be afraid of me.”

Mary scrambled off the bed and away from Remus. Shaky hands did up the buttons on her blouse. “No, this can’t be real. You can’t be - “

“Mary, please.” He stood and reached for her but she darted back.

“No, don’t touch me! Let me - let me think a moment. Oh, fuck!” Finished with her blouse, Mary paced along the far side of the room. “You’re a - a - and Sirius, he was - was you that night?” Mary crumpled to the floor, sick with her discovery.

Remus pulled his jumper on over his open shirt, covering all his skin again. “It was his way of apologizing for hurting me. It was stupid and reckless. I mean he could have been killed and when we swapped back… well, who knows what would have happened.” Remus spoke to the floor, unable to look at her. “I know you’re afraid but you don’t have to be. I won’t hurt you.”

Oh fuck, he could probably smell the fear in her. Mary took several deep breaths to calm her racing heart but she couldn’t stop the race of adrenaline telling her to flee. This was bigger than she was prepared to deal with. Low self esteem she could kiss away. But a… a - she couldn't even bring herself to think the word She was just a girl. A teenager. She shouldn’t have to shoulder this burden.

“I have to go. I have to get out of here. I can’t - not right now.”

Remus moved to help her up but when she recoiled, he backed away. She watched the walls go up around him, face impassive. “Of course. Go on back to school. I’ll straighten up here.”

“I’m sorry, Remus. I’m - can we talk about it later?”

“Yeah, sure. If you need to. Just, please don’t tell anyone.”

She barked out nervous laughter. “Who the fuck would believe me?” She shook her head. “I need to go.

Remus wrapped his arms around his waist, only nodding at her. “Go on. I’ll be along a little later.”

“Remus, I - “

“Just go. It’s okay. I’ll be okay.” He turned his back to her and began returning the room to the state they found it.

Mary raced away without another word.

\--------

Mary’s first instinct was to find Dorcas and spill all her worries. But it wasn’t her secret to share. And fuck if she wasn’t angry about having to keep a secret of that magnitude. How had he managed to keep it secret for so long?

For once she was glad of the training earned at her mother’s hands. Schooling her features into a calm mask, Mary folded her worries into a back corner of her mind until she reached her dorm. She was met with excited chatter and questions about her date but she stuttered out that she didn’t want to talk about it, and holed herself up in her bed. Dorcas brought Mary a small plate of food from the Great Hall for dinner, but it sat untouched on her trunk.

What was she going to say to Remus? How could she face him again? Could she kiss him again? Let him fuck her? Horrible stories from her Defence textbooks flitted through her mind, giving her no peace. Even though she’d known him for years, she couldn’t separate the Remus she knew from the monster she’d read about.

The girls were curious to know what had gone so wrong between them in Hogsmeade but she only said they just weren’t suited to one another. Mary didn’t know what Remus had told the other Marauders but they were all keeping their distance from her and her friends. The four boys moved as a tight unit, with someone accompanying Remus at all times, as though to shield him from any further unpleasantness.

She tried to stay calm through her classes on Monday but the lunar calendar was now burned in her brain and she couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen later that evening. Remus was practically dead on his feet, hardly able to stay awake. He moved slow as treacle, and fumbled nearly every spell he attempted.

Mary tried to approach him after dinner, but glares from his entourage discouraged her. She finally settled on a small note, slid under the door of their dorm.

_Remus, I’m so sorry. Sorry that I didn’t understand better what happened a month ago. Sorry that I hurt Sirius when he had already been punished for his folly. Sorry that I didn’t handle the news well. I ask that you give me a little more time. Stay safe, Mary_

\--------

Remus and Sirius were missing from breakfast the next morning. Now that Mary knew to look for it, she noticed the other Marauders took turns skiving off class, presumably keeping Remus company in the infirmary. During the free time before dinner she decided to pay him a visit. But first, she took a sip of a calming draught in hopes it would mask her fear. It would be fine, she reminded herself. He was still just Remus. Simple, studious, fucking _werewolf_ Remus. 

As she gathered her notes, Lily came back from her last class of the day. 

“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Lily asked.

“Remus is in the infirmary. I thought I’d pay him a visit, maybe share some class notes he missed.” Mary held up the copies of her notes that she had duplicated.

“Again? What happened this time?” Mary only shrugged so Lily continued, “I’ll come with you. Let me get my Arithmancy notes.”

Lily duplicated a few of her class notes too, and together they headed to the infirmary. They were nearly there when they ran into James and Peter, coming from the other direction.

“What are you doing here?” James asked coldly.

Mary was relieved to hear her voice didn’t shake when she replied, “I was going to bring Remus these class notes. I thought they might help.” She held out the stack of parchment.

James knocked the stack out of her hands, scattering them all over the hallway. “He doesn’t need your fucking class notes.”

“I’m sorry. I just thought - “

“ _I’m sorry?_ Didn’t you just tell Sirius a few weeks ago those are just words?” He shook his head at her. “Until you can get your shit under control, you stay away from Remus. He has us to take care of him. He doesn’t need you.”

“Potter! How dare you - “ Lily began.

“How dare I?” He interrupted. “That bitch tore Remus to shreds and you ask how dare I? Forget it. Go back to your dorm and leave us be.”

Lily was shocked that James would yell at her at all, but she quickly regrouped to point out, “He’s my friend and I can visit if I want to!”

“He doesn’t want visitors. He tore his leg up pretty bad and he just needs rest.” James couldn’t help but soften, looking at Lily’s dismay. “Please just go, this isn’t a good time. He’ll probably be out tomorrow and you can see him in the common room. All right?”

Mary, slightly nauseous at hearing of Remus’s injury, swirled her wand to gather the loose parchments. “Please just give these to Remus. It’s the absolute very least I can do. Some of them are Lily’s,” she added, in case that convinced him to take the notes.

Reluctantly, James grabbed the notes. “Fine. But if he wants to burn them, I’ll be providing the incendio.”

Mary could only nod. Disheartened, she pulled Lily away, back down the hall. She had smashed Remus’s confidence, and likely his ability to trust another girl with his heart. But she would keep trying. If nothing else, they could be friends again. One day. 

At least he still had his Marauders.


End file.
